The problem with the word "smart" - Part III
(See Part I, Part II)
When people use the word "smart" to describe other people it is often to hide who they are really talking about: themselves.
1) My friend liked my idea and she is really smart.
2) The consultant we worked with is incredibly smart.
3) My boss is so smart.
2) The consultant we worked with is incredibly smart.
3) My boss is so smart.
For each example above, hear what is actually being said.
1) Transitive property, they are smart and they think I am too.
2) We are uncertain about the future and we need to trust this person that their analysis is correct.
3) Again, transitive property, we are seeking to validate ourselves. My boss chose to hire me so therefore I'm smart too.
Often we are seeking to validate our need for confirmation bias and feel good about past decisions we've made.
Instead of masking your praise with the throw away statement of "smart", choose to simply name the traits you genuinely appreciate about this person. [Hard working, quickly processes information, has diverse experiences to draw from, has deep technical skill, etc]
1) Transitive property, they are smart and they think I am too.
2) We are uncertain about the future and we need to trust this person that their analysis is correct.
3) Again, transitive property, we are seeking to validate ourselves. My boss chose to hire me so therefore I'm smart too.
Often we are seeking to validate our need for confirmation bias and feel good about past decisions we've made.
Instead of masking your praise with the throw away statement of "smart", choose to simply name the traits you genuinely appreciate about this person. [Hard working, quickly processes information, has diverse experiences to draw from, has deep technical skill, etc]
Posted on March 16th, 2017
The problem with the word "smart" - Part II
(See Part I)
The words an adult uses with a child are incredibly powerful and can shape how a child views themselves and the world.
Research shows that when you show praise for being "smart", a child then fixates on performance, and avoids taking future taking risks where they could fail. No failure means no learning or growth.
On the other hand, when you show praise for their "effort", a child will work harder and persist longer.
Praise for "effort" and a child pursues mastering a topic. Praise for "smarts" and a child sees their intelligence as something that is innate and cannot change, no matter how hard they try.
Stop praising kids for being "smart."
Posted on March 15th, 2017
The problem with the word "smart"
"Smart" is one of the most common words used to describe a person.
And yet this tells you absolutely nothing about that person.
Oh, Chloe is great. Just great. Really smart guy.
The problem is "smart" is used in place of an actual positive description.
Oh, Chloe is great....
She processes information quickly.
She works really hard.
She is good at connecting with people and making them feel heard.
She is a great organizer of information.
She gets a lot of things done and always produces on time.
She processes information quickly.
She works really hard.
She is good at connecting with people and making them feel heard.
She is a great organizer of information.
She gets a lot of things done and always produces on time.
Next time you are calling someone else (or yourself) "smart" stop. Think about what you're really trying to say, and just say this instead.
Posted on March 14th, 2017
Make space as a passenger
The value of public transit (bus, plane, train) is that you get to be a passanger.
Think about how much effort it is to drive. Even the mundane task of freeway driving involves focus, constant scanning & evaluating information, and decision making.
The value of being a passenger is that you actually get to think.
Look for settings (like public transit) or people (like competent team members you can delegate your “driving" to) to free up more space so you can think more.
Then use that extra time to think about the problems/opportunities that lie around the bend, instead of always being sucked into what lies directly in front of you on the road you are currently driving on.
Posted on June 6th, 2016
Bold, yet humble
My old boss told me this is the personality she is always looking to hire for.
Bold to take risks, to be okay with failure, to learn constantly and always keep working towards big goals that seem out of reach.
Yet humble to not get lost in your ego, to be able to listen to those around you and have the self-awareness & ability to reflect to learn from mistakes.
Posted on June 5th, 2016
Adopt a mindset of anti-perfection
I volunteered with a guy who owns most of the bars in downtown Raleigh. A couple of lessons from his journey:
- Luck was a HUGE factor:
He opened the first bar and it was the “right place at the right time." Shortly after opening a major business moved next store and all the employees needed a place to meet for fun after work. They were so successful he decided to open up a second bar and this time serve food. He failed miserably. The profits from #1 covered the losses of #2. If he would have opened #2 first, he would have been done and wouldn’t be operating any businesses.
- Perfection is the enemy of risk taking:
He told me that the majority of people (95%) don’t take a risk to create something because they incorrectly correlate achieving “success" with “executing perfectly." They then think “well I know I can’t do x perfectly so I just won’t even try." This belief is totally wrong. You actually achieve “success" because you keep going. You try so many different things and most fail. But you learn. And if you keep going your learnings will eventually lead you to a formula that works.
Accept that you can’t control everything.
Work your butt off. Be okay with making a lot of mistakes.
Posted on June 4th, 2016
Self-Love
Their power comes from us.
We all have insecurities. We doubt our looks, our abilities, our intellect, our futures. We have been conditioned to think like this. This is human nature. The problem is not the existence of the insecurities, rather it is the focus we place on them.
What we focus on we bring awareness to, and thus we give power to.
When we focus on our insecurities, their strength grows. They become more real, and consume us more fully. It’s a vicious spiral.
Who thrives when we fall into the trap of not loving ourselves?
- Advertisers of consumer goods: Marketers
And why does this trap exist in the first place? Who conceived its design?
- Self-destructive behavior: Alcohol and drugs, Facebook, Twitter
Ultimately it is not about eliminating the insecurities we feel, but rather being able to let go of them. It is about building an awareness of why we are feeling these insecurities and who is benefiting from the power that is created from them.
Posted on June 3rd, 2016
What Your Audience Wants Most
People get confused about what their audience wants.
Above everything else your audience wants to recieve value.
We often over focus on trying to be original. But originality is often not correlated to value. Copy what works for you. Copy what has added value to your life. Then add your own take on it. Then share.
Don't try to be original, try to add value.
Posted on June 2nd, 2016
The Value of Good Design
“Design" is a fancy word for space.
Design is when we have the space to bring intention & thoughtfulness our work.
Design allows us to think before we build. Design gives us the foresight to identify and correct unintended consequences before they actually happen.
Thank you SG.
Posted on June 1st, 2016
Choosing Not To Buy What They Sell Us on How Our Bodies Should Look
No matter what we look like, they tell us we are not good enough. They cement the deep hole of "not being good enough" within us. The more they make us feel inadequate, the more they succeed.
We let them tell us what is wrong with us.
We are beautiful. We are strong. We don't need their beauty standards projected upon us.
Curly haired people want straight hair, straight haired people want curly. We are taught to want what we do not have. We are taught to not love what we are blessed to have.
We need to stop subscribing to their manufactured standards of beauty.
It's not about throwing your personal standards of beauty out the window and not taking care of yourself. On the contrary, it's about not letting their fake standards of beauty infiltrate and take over your own standards. It's about having your own healthy standards that are based on giving your body the nutrition, exercise and love it needs to feel great and operate at it's best potential.
So much pain. So much hurt. So much anorexia.
So much self hate.
We have to build positive community around healthy living, around showing our bodies self love.
We are beautiful. It's time we stop giving them the power they do not deserve.
Posted on May 31st, 2016